Southern Oregon singer-songwriter Aliza Hava explores childhood abuse, family history and the limits of forgiveness in her album “Into the Light” and its companion book.
In “Into the Light: Ten Songs and Stories Transforming Trauma to Triumph,” Hava shares the experiences behind her music and examines how setting boundaries became part of her recovery. She hopes describing her experiences will help others navigate their own.
The album came first, growing out of a nine-month recovery from a neck injury. During that period, Hava said, childhood memories began to surface.
“The song ‘Into the Light’ grew out of this journey of me confronting these issues that I had been struggling with my whole life,” Hava said.
Family history and childhood trauma
Hava said all four of her grandparents survived the Holocaust. Her parents were writers and publishers who specialized in helping survivors write their memoirs.
“So that was the environment that I grew up in, very inundated with that Holocaust trauma,” she said.
She also described violence in her childhood home. In the book’s prologue, Hava recounts seeing her mother threaten her eldest sister’s life. Her sister ran away, Hava said, later returning to visit but never moving back home.
Hava said she subsequently became the target of her mother’s rage.
Deciding how much of that history to include led to disagreements with an early editor, with whom she eventually parted ways.
“Writing this book was a deep part of my own healing process, as well as being something that can help other people in theirs,” Hava said.
Forgiveness and boundaries
Hava said a spiritual awakening at 18 changed her outlook on life. She sought to forgive her family and treat them with compassion.
“It was almost like by being compassionate and empathic for them, I let down my guard, thinking that because I had changed, that they had also changed,” Hava said.
Instead, she said, she continued to experience harm. She came to recognize that forgiving someone did not mean she could safely let that person back into her life.
Hava said she still believes in forgiveness, but that boundaries were necessary to protect herself. She also had to reckon with what was beyond her control.
“You cannot change somebody else,” she said. “You can’t force them to apologize. You can’t force them to take responsibility or accountability for what they’ve done.”
The book includes prompts inviting readers to reflect and journal about their own lives, a practice Hava encourages after her experience creating the project.
“Writing the book and the album has been incredibly cathartic and transformative for me,” Hava said.
She said she is a different person than she was five or six years ago, though she will live with the reality of her past for the rest of her life.
“It’s not going to go away. It’s just the facts, and I have to make peace with it,” Hava said. “And in many ways, I already have.”
Guest
- Aliza Hava, songwriter, musician, author
